I mean, this is somewhat true… self-hatred in itself is a terrible thing. But you can use it as motivation, and reason to change into a better version of yourself. Of course that would be easier without all the self-deprecation, not saying its a good thing, but there’s always a way to work with what you’re given and turn it around, even if just to make a little bit of progress each day. That’s how I found the willpower to finally start transitioning. I couldn’t look myself in the mirror without crying, so I tried to single out one thing that was “wrong with me” (which is especially hard in the beginning when it feels like that’s literally everything), and do something, no matter how small, about it. Years later I still hate how I look sometimes, but I’m slowly getting better at it and starting to be someone I like.
Yes, I agree that self-hatred can be used as motivation sometimes, and it can be a good one too. But it is a somewhat dangerous path.
I myself struggled with my body - I hated looking in a mirror and even more I hated going in public with even remotely tight/revealing clothes. In my case the rational decision was to go to the gym and get a diet, and this is where self-hatred failed me - it always told me I wasn’t good enough, why do I even try, I always gonna look like shit this doesn’t work. Only when I noticed it and started actively pushing against it, cutting myself some slack and, in a sense, just loving myself, it allowed me to start getting slow but steady progress.
but there’s always a way to work with what you’re given and turn it around, even if just to make a little bit of progress each day
Yes, I completely agree. And I also think that you need to have some level of self-love and self-compassion to know and understand that, and to allow yourself to grow in that way.
Also, on the other note: Congrats on the progress, man! Keep up the good work! :)
The other way around works perfectly fine tho
That’s a pratty cool sounding quote.
Yeah
So I think I realized I hate myself but didn’t realize it. I’ve been as outwardly focused as I could be for as long as I can remember. I love beeing a shoulder to cry on, to root on my friends as they improve their lives, and creating spaces where people come together to make music (I host weekly jams in Chicago).
But one thing I’ve noticed is I get really nervous when people start getting close to me. I’ve tried to have relationships, and pretty soon I just feel a pit of anxiety and things end pretty quick. Even friendships can make me feel nervous. I consider myself super extraverted, and I have no problem addressing large groups, but it’s a very small club of people who I actually feel okay being me with.
Recently I realized I’m not in that club. I don’t feel comfortable alone, and I thought that was just the extraversion, but I realized it’s that I mostly ruminate on every shitty thing I’ve ever done and feel really bad. If I can’t feel comfortable with myself, how can I feel comfortable showing that to anyone else?
My friend just got married, and he said the thing that he felt was the core of it was that he felt as comfortable being at home with his wife as he would being alone. That made me realize I’m not ready for a relationship right now.
Yes, this is absolutely the truth - you need to be comfortable alone to be comfortable with others. I also think that, that is an acquired skill. Not everyone can do it right out of the gates - but through self reflection, analysis and self improvement you can acquire it.
