I’ve often thought lighthouse keeping would make a fine second career, albeit mostly because in my head, it would give me endless time to write (and finish Baldur’s Gate 3). You won’t have much time to write in Static Dread, sadly. The world has ended, the oceans teem with squirmy, extra-dimensional lifeforms, and it’s your job as the apparent sole surviving lighthouse keeper to distinguish vessels loaded with eldritch horrors from vessels loaded with people who need saving from eldritch horrors.

Going by the teaser trailer, below, this appears to be comparable to playing border guard in Papers, Please, but it’s less political and more tentacular. You field queries over the radio, run your finger down a clipboard, and decide whether to kindle the lamps or beg the coastguard to blast that ship back to hell. There’s a dialogue line in the trailer which I, personally, would consider highly untrustworthy. “It’s consuming my team!” screams a self-described ship captain. “Please, send help! Gosh…” Look, “friend”, no genuine human being says “gosh” in an emergency situation. Not even British human beings say “gosh” in an emergency situation. That’s what you say when somebody tells you the pizza-flavoured crisps are back on sale at Aldis…