I met this woman on a dating app who was 10 years older than me and she asked me if I wanted to hang out at her place at 12:30am. Being a 20 year old I was like “fuck yeah”. I was also dumb and legitimately thought she wanted to jam and play guitar.

She pulls a litre bottle of cheap white wine and I’m slowly thinking “maybe she doesn’t want to play guitar?”. She then pulls out a big freezer bag of weed and asks if I want some.

I tell her I’ve actually never ever had it before and her face lit up and she was all “I am getting you SO STONED”. I’ve got my best game face on and I’m feeling open minded. She’s hot after all and she’s older so maybe I must be doing something right?

Fast forward to me absolutely choking and dying off the smoke, I start to get high for the first time in my life. I start to panic because I’m afraid I’ll always be like this and I end up saying some really dumb awkward shit in an effort to get her to like me. I tell her I like July Talk’s “old stuff” better than what she had just played me.

Turns out it’s their first ever album and I look like one of those snobs writing reviews for Pitchfork. She realizes she’s with a dumb boy who isn’t being honest and tells me she’s gotta go to bed.

I walk my dumbass home (like 45 minutes of walking) and eat an entire box of grocery store chocolate cookies and hope I don’t get addicted.

Anyways that was over a decade ago and I’m about to have some weed :)

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So this may be considered a cautionary tale… Ever since I was like 13 or 14 playing mtg with the homies, my mom would grill me on how much drugs I was doing… In her defense that’s when her brother started heroin but … I’m playing mtg and playing video games nothing more. It got to a point where I was like 'she already assumes I am… ’ so I spent like 6 months doing research on like everything erowid had …which was a lot of reading. Ended up deciding to say fuck it ya, seems harmless enough. I was 18 when I had my first puff… And 25 when I had my first beer.

I’m hella successful and only I think this year (nearly 40), has my mom finally gotten over it.

I smoked some very old bud through an ornamental “african” pipe as a joke.

I must’ve been 21 or so and was still living at home. I had some friends over and we got into, as they say, shenanigangs.

Somehow we ended up finding a bag of bud in a drawer. Must’ve been a leftover from my dad’s. Someone else pointed out we had a pipe (not really, it was just a wall decoration) and I was dared to smoke it.

Before anyone comments, yeah, I was a rural hick and so were said friends and we weren’t exactly used to going ‘so wild’. This was over two decades ago tho.

Anyway, I apparently had a real good puff for a firsttimer and whatever happened to time after that I still can’t quite describe.

All those years later I unfortunately have overdone it to the point I need to reconsider a few things. Mostly the cost. It’s still fully illegal where I live so black market prices are sky high unless you have a big social circle and lots of connections, which I don’t.

I did acid before I did weed and figured if I could handle acid as well as I did weed would be nbd. I was unfortunately very wrong and spent time on the bathroom floor and time crying. I was 16 ish

Peer pressure.

I told this story on here before, which I recognize is a cop out but I just love telling it. I’m rewriting it here because I think I can do better. Anyway y’all just be thankful you ain’t gotta hear it every time we smoke in real life 😂

The first time I ever smoked pot was with a bunch of juggalos at the freshman homecoming game. I don’t know if y’all have high school football where you live, but homecoming happens pretty close to the beginning of the year so it was probably like early September. I’d spent all summer tryna kiss this girl, and she was friends with these Juggalos, so me and her went to the game together and met up with them at the park behind the football field.

One of the juggalos pulled out one of those aluminum bowls that turns into a necklace and a cigarette wrapper filled with some good ol’ dry as fuck, seedy, stemmy, schwag ass, class of 2009 Mexican brick weed. Y’all remember how bad weed used to be? Kids today don’t know how good they have it fr.

So he gives me the first hit and I was like “bro I’m not gonna lie to you guys I’ve never smoked before, what do I do?” So dude blasts it and hands it back to me, and I fucking BLASTED it. And proceeded to be the coolest, funniest dude in the whole world. That’s actually where I got the name Bizzle, was that night from those juggalos. In fact, I was so cool that that girl even kissed me. It never went anywhere else, but she totally did.

So pretty soon the police come over and the girl and the juggalos are like “oh shit it’s the cops! Run!” but I was too stoned to run and I’m a white bread honors student so I figured I’d be in less trouble if I just lied, and I totally did (first time I ever lied to the police 🐷) and said I’d never seen those guys before, and they were like “you should go back in then” so I did. And I met back up with those guys and told them I didn’t sell them out, so they all thought I was extra cool. I’m not really a juggalo, and like I said nothing ever happened with that girl (except she married the bass player from my first band 🙄), but I always did have some Homies 2 Smoke With.

I smoke for medical reasons currently. Shit almost 15 years ago, I was looking up alternative treatments for Tourette Syndrome as my pills were not only becoming less and less effective, the dreaded super rare side effect came out. There was always a chance that while taking these pills, there’d be a chance I’d develop a brand new tic and if I do, I’d have it for life. Sure as shit, it happened after taking the medication for almost 5 years.

I was in college at the time and was heading back home for Christmas break. Decided to hit up an old buddy and he was able to hook me up. Looking back on it now, was ripped off hella but what can you do. He didn’t want to partake so I ended up meeting up with another friend that I knew smoked for sure. We rolled a J and smoked it before going to see Avatar in theaters. I tried to be all cool and not cough at all and I succeeded… Because I wasn’t inhaling 🙃 chalked it up to a failure and watched the movie sober, squeaking like a mother fucker.

When I got back after break, I found out a classmate smoked the devil’s lettuce. He actually set me up with a bowl and provided the weed for free. What a homie. He tought me how to inhale properly and I coughed so much.

IT WAS LIFE CHANGING!

I went from having vocal and motor tics on average of a tic a minute, often many in succession, to maybe a tic every couple of hours. One of my tics had such a mental priority over everything else that it was sometimes hard to breath because of how often it happened.

It’s so great to be seen as “normal” now. Being able to hang out with friends in public or see a movie, and not have everyone looking at you and talking under their breath is fantastic.

Now days I’m just the stoner of the group. Grow my own weed and only ever purchase it if I want a specific strain or some live rosin buckets.

I tried it when i was ~16 (over a decade ago) but didnt really do it right cause first time and we were passing it around. I just recently got a delta-8 vape because its legal here where regular weed isnt. See while i think it being illegal is stupid as fuck i would rather not have government sponsored goon squads kicking down my door (poor afroman)