Enraged by Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony refusing to sell their consoles in Russia, Vladimir Putin climbed up an onion shaped tower while clutching a damsel in one arm, and said “I shall make my OWN game console! With blackjack, and hookers, and not at all suspicious deaths of my critics!”

I’m just imagining this to be like the leading game system in TaleSpin’s fictional Thembria. “UTOPIA 256: THE MOST FUN YOU ARE LEGALLY ALLOWED TO HAVE IN GREAT SOVIET EMPIRE.”

Thanks to Ars Technica for (this very puzzling) scoop.