I have what I call the Feeling Things Meter. Meaning that in a certain period of time, about one to three days, I have a set amount of feelings I am allowed to feel. If I exceed the number of feelings and fill up the meter I blank out and get to feel nothing at all. I can feel the Meter filling up, and I know when I am about to exceed it.
This also applies to feelings from movies, shows, games books and music. So I have to carefully plan out my entertainment around life events as best I can.
As you can imagine it becomes incredibly hard to navigate adult life with no feelings. And not just the big feelings but the little ones too. No drive to go out and do the shopping. No satisfaction of completeing a task. No disappointment if I screw something up. Nothing.
No one else in my life has this, or anything close to it. Most people look at me like I’m a crazy person when I try to explain it. I’m always making excuses for not wanting to watch movies or shows with friends, or bailing when a sad song comes on.
Please, I just want to know someone else has this problem. Anyone. How do you cope? Do you even listen to music? Do you have to leave movies halfway through becuase you couldn’t take it?
I just want to know I’m not alone.
Emotions take energy, and we all seem to have a limited amount of energy to expend throughout the day, week, or month. But it also seems like it can be practiced and you can build emotional endurance, utilizing different tools that mental health experts have developed, to help extend your limits and prevent you sometimes from feeling completely drained. It does take practice! And some days you’ll be affected by things that are just simply beyond your control, such as unexpected interactions and hormones, etc. I’ve personally found that medication for anxiety helps me to limit the amount of energy I’m expending on emotions because I’m no longer reacting as strongly to everything and being in a constant state of fight or flight, which allowed me the time and space to build my endurance in a healthier way, but it’s going to be different for everyone just due to genetics and environment and lifestyle, etc. What you describe specifically sounds a lot like depression, from my own experiences, but you know yourself best. Have you been able to speak with any mental health professionals about your concerns?