I was technically diagnosed early on but my parents disregarded it and so I continued life without knowing otherwise.
When I applied for services through a local program, they conducted an assessment of my time in school. Through that assessment, the evaluator pointed out that the frequent meetings my parents had with the school and special attention and considerations I was getting from teachers and school was because I was more than likely on a program for autistic kids. My parents are now dead, but when I was getting evaluated for autism as an adult, I had to ask my uncle a bunch of questions as requested by the psychologist. When I brought it up to him, it was as if he already knew I was autistic and became a bit shameful and has barely spoken to me since then when we used to speak about every two weeks. I think that there is something I don’t know about my childhood or he feels guilty that they never told me, leading to me having so much difficulty as an adult.
So throughout my adolescence, I had difficulties with “fitting in” and a pervasive sense of incompetency that developed into long-term depression. My perpetual exhaustion was due to the fact I was masking constantly.
Jeez, it’s like we all lived the same life without knowing it. We were so alone thinking we were the only ones, yet we were all experiencing similar lives.
It’s been freeing and I’ve been a lot more forgiving of myself especially to my past.
Thank you for the response! It’s been oddly validating reading other people’s shared experiences. One of my first responses to reading supplied material my therapist later provided was a solid facepalm because it was legitimately word-for-word the issues I brought up in the first session.
I was briefly in a special needs program early on during school which I did enjoy. We’d go on excursions away from the standard school schedule. My parents were looking out for what they thought were my best interest - despite how narrow-minded it may be. I always try to remind myself that family rarely if ever acts out of malice but misguided views
When I applied for services through a local program, they conducted an assessment of my time in school. Through that assessment, the evaluator pointed out that the frequent meetings my parents had with the school and special attention and considerations I was getting from teachers and school was because I was more than likely on a program for autistic kids. My parents are now dead, but when I was getting evaluated for autism as an adult, I had to ask my uncle a bunch of questions as requested by the psychologist. When I brought it up to him, it was as if he already knew I was autistic and became a bit shameful and has barely spoken to me since then when we used to speak about every two weeks. I think that there is something I don’t know about my childhood or he feels guilty that they never told me, leading to me having so much difficulty as an adult.
Jeez, it’s like we all lived the same life without knowing it. We were so alone thinking we were the only ones, yet we were all experiencing similar lives.
Yay!! 🥳
Thank you for the response! It’s been oddly validating reading other people’s shared experiences. One of my first responses to reading supplied material my therapist later provided was a solid facepalm because it was legitimately word-for-word the issues I brought up in the first session.
I was briefly in a special needs program early on during school which I did enjoy. We’d go on excursions away from the standard school schedule. My parents were looking out for what they thought were my best interest - despite how narrow-minded it may be. I always try to remind myself that family rarely if ever acts out of malice but misguided views
You’re welcome! 🙂
Sounds like your path of forgiveness is peaceful