I saw that other post about worst dates and honestly can’t relate since I’ve never dated anyone, I just wanted to know if I was the only one here. That’s it, you don’t have to go deeper if you don’t want to
I’m married and have two sons. Didn’t need a single Date…
Never felt like it literally.
I m so fucking shy and introverted. And so I prefer introverted people ,so, that’s difficult to find.
I feel that could be fixed with an app …
Aaaaaand it’s flooded with ads and trolls.
I used to be the same. I was actually okay when I was drunk so I used to be quite good and going to clubs and picking up women but in the normal grown-up world I was useless. I’m married now though, so there’s hope.
Well the thing is that I don’t like alcohol and I don’t like the idea of being drunk
I used to be exactly like you. My social battery died way too quick and I hated going anywhere. No interest in alcohol or getting drunk at all. But the thing is, if you don’t go anywhere or talk to anyone, you end up missing out on so many cool things. That unfortunately took me way too long to realize.
You kinda just gotta force yourself to go out and get used to it via exposure therapy. It absolutely sucks at first, but keep at it. It gets better. Having friends to go out with helps a ton, but I’m also at the point where I’m starting to get comfortable doing things by myself too. Doing that helps a ton with meeting new people.
I still don’t like alcohol, but it also helps me to be more social too. That in turn helps me get more comfortable with socializing in general. You don’t have to overdo it and get drunk, just enough to take the edge off and relax more. It’s a genuinely really helpful crutch at times.
I know it’s easy to disregard advice like this. I’ve done it plenty of times. But trust me, it’s worth it. Don’t rush, take your time, and you’ll get there eventually. I believe in you
And that’s the problem for many, we just don’t have friends, we don’t connect with anyone, social activities just ruin my day, I don’t have a job and forcing myself at being more “normal” feels like a job. Is not natural. I wish people would understand me and some girl would just synch with me under those conditions, because I can be cuddly and likeable enough with one person. But I know that is not going to happen.
It’s definitely not a natural feeling, and I totally get what you mean about it feeling like a job. I still struggle with it sometimes myself. I literally have to play mind games with myself to force myself to go out at times.
The unfortunate thing is, if you don’t try at all, you’re not going to get better. Like I said, it’ll be rough at first. You’ll feel super uncomfortable and want to run back to the safety of your solitude. But you have to push through it, or you’ll end up stuck where you are.
Mental health access is not great, but if you have an option to speak with a therapist, that may be a good first step if you need a helpful push
In fact I have like two REAL friends (very close since forever ) who have the same hobbies than me. I m very creative ( I have adhd ) and focused on my hobbies , I have way to much of them so it took all my time, I’m with my friends all the time(IRL or on vocal). But yeah would also love to meet peoples, if they are a little nerd.
That’s awesome dude, and like, you should totally rely on each other where you can to just go out and do stuff you’re interested in. Get comfortable with it. Start looking for and suggesting things you want to do and see if you can drag them along. That’s what helped me get more comfortable starting to go out more, is just realizing how much stuff is out there I want to check out.
Genuinely the best way to meet other nerdy people is to go out to places where other nerds meet. I’m into like anime and stuff, and I’ve started forcing myself to go to cons in cosplay by myself, and I’ve met so many cool people that way because everyone is just so excited to share in the interest together
I used to like being drunk (helps with depression) but I don’t want to get fat so I cut it
Having a relationship is a bonus for me. Not having one is normal, and I don’t mind.
Also that’s like a few hundred things that I don’t have to worry about.
Same
The final purpose is to reproduce, in theory. And I would like to be a father, I feel like I could become a decent one
Technically I’ve been on a couple of dates because friends convinced me that I have to try. I got panic attacks. It felt that I have to perform well to show others that I can do dating, but at the same time I didn’t really want to be there.
We don’t really have dates in my culture. Either we like each other and hookup or we don’t. So when you finally go to the restaurant or whatever, it is with someone you already know and not a total stranger.
But I’m referring to IRL meetups, where you meet people during social events like a party, going to a bar etc (I do that as an introvert that loves being alone, I just don’t go out every night).
I’ve never tried apps like Tinder so maybe the first rendez-vous could be considered a date. I don’t know and don’t plan to discover it.
What’s your culture?
French (from France and Switzerland)
Emotionally abused as a child, strong fear of letting my guard down, worried that people hate me, convinced that I have nothing to offer.
I’m not perfect, but realistically I know that I could definitely find someone if I put myself out there.
I’ve been on a few dates from dating apps, but just have my guard up so much it’s difficult to make a connection.
Never asked someone out in person as I don’t put myself in those sort of situations. I was actually out at a club last night (one of the few times in my life) and I left early, so quite disappointed in myself today 🙁
Archie Gates: You’re scared, right?
Conrad Vig: Maybe.
Archie Gates: The way it works is, you do the thing you’re scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.
Conrad Vig: That’s a dumbass way to work. It should be the other way around.
Archie Gates: I know. That’s the way it works.
That’s good advice, I’ve actually worked that bit out and that’s how I managed to have a few dates.
Also why I’m annoyed at myself for bottling it and heading home early last night.
I’ll keep on tho :)
You at least did something for a while, I’m still at step 0 and don’t see that changing anymore, especially at my age.
I’m 30-ish, and started to get into a few dates just this year.
I’m not sure why it has taken so long. Maybe it’s because of social anxiety that has taken long time learning how to manage.
I haven’t been on a particularly good date yet though.
Because people outside are scary and confusing.
Also, I have a fwb and it would be awkward to bring up.
It’s been decades since I got a friend
