ngl. Trying to stay connected with an angry or distraught boy is difficult.

It starts with listening. Really, truly listening to a boy means setting aside all of the worries, irritations, and urgencies we might feel in response to what he is doing or saying, and instead offering the gift of our full attention. Beyond that, we can validate our sons by accompanying them during the activities they genuinely enjoy, even if it means stretching outside of our own comfort zones. For example, both of my sons often chose to get quality time with me by doing activities that I am not so fond of—like playing video games, wrestling and roughhousing, or throwing around a lacrosse ball. But what mattered was my willingness to try, and simply to be there, just because I cared. And when my sons behaved badly, rather than threatening, scolding, or shaming them, I instead stepped in closer, sometimes firmly, to insist they tell me about whatever underlying tension was driving them off course. Even when they were being willfully uncooperative, I determined what they needed was more connection, not distance

As a millenial father of young boys this was an interesting read.

I felt this paragraph needed some clarification:

Both mothers and fathers have believed that teaching their sons to be “real” men is at the heart of their job descriptions. As recently as 2020, research I helped conduct for the Global Boyhood Initiative of the DC-based NGO Equimundo found that parents of boys press them to comply with cultural standards, even at the expense of their personal authenticity. When asked what was most important for their sons, parents told us that they should be emotionally strong (94%) and physically strong (61%), play sports (48%), have a girlfriend (46%), and, overall, fit in (59%).

I think the first sentence is somewhat meaningless if it isn’t followed up immediately with an explanation of what the parents felt ‘real men’ are. It’s just such a nebulous term. Maybe the final sentence of the paragraph was meant to be the explanation, but it isn’t actually clear to me if it’s

What is important to the parents, for their sons

or if it’s:

what the parents perceive as being important to their sons. (What they think their sons value)

Given the context I suspect it’s the latter, but it should be less ambiguous.

And maybe I’m overly sensitive but am I ‘pressing my sons to comply with cultural standards, at the expense of their personal authenticity’ when I tell them not to make poop jokes at the dinner table?

I guess this is just the challenge of social sciences.

Thanks for sharing, this resonates!

Thank you for sharing!

Beautiful article Thank you very much