For me it’s that ‘x ethnic group are mostly bigots so they deserve to be genocide/ oppressed’ is that it is just good victim bad victim argument. That they only want to extend aid (or rather like the idea of extending aid) to ‘cute’ or ‘cuddly’ or ‘tragic’ victims but their solidarity will disappear (or rather their lack of solidarity will reveal itself) if you refuse to fit that mould. For example a trans person in the imperial core who refuses to allow their identity to be used to spread colonial propaganda even when they are short of funds. Or a gay indigenous person who wants to attack their colonisers.
I’m neither Igbo nor a women but seeing this pink and purplewashing makes me appreciate Things Fall Apart did not shy away from showing Igbo misogyny/ more conservative elements. I can’t say if it was good representation but I think it was important they showed it since it does help push across the idea that native misogyny etc. is not an excuse for ‘civilising’ their society.
On Okonkwo’s fundamentalism, yes it is bad. But he was also one of the only few people at the start who wanted to force the colonisers out of their land first. It can be read as a statement on how societies under attack end up with very reactionary and rigid rulers in response because they are the only ones that do something so even if you hate their actions you realise that criticising them and only them is a very chauvinistic way of analysing the situation. Kind of like how people only criticise the homophobia but not actions done by imperial countries that make them see LGBT rights as not just immoral but a security threat like ‘blackmailing their local queers into becoming informants’ or ‘painting rainbow flags on the bombs they drop onto the country’.