I haven’t felt anything besides low burning self contempt for years. Emotions like sadness and happiness elude me. I haven’t sincerely shouted for joy or wept in years. I also have no desire to get close to other people and form relationships. This makes it nigh impossible for me to give a shit about even important things. While I don’t feel much pain anymore, I also lack the spark that makes life worth living. I feel like a soulless automaton.
Does this sound like it’s related to neurodivergence? I’m 100% depressed, but years of therapy and various different medications haven’t done much, so I feel like there must be more to it.
You’re welcome. I empathize with the struggle.
I also saw your reply that you are pretty sedentary. I know everyone says this and it’s annoying but silly little walks for your mental health do help a bit. I recently started exercising again and am devastated to report that it does actually improve my mental health 😭 I know how hard it is when you can barely get out of bed, but if you can even make yourself just do some light stretching on a mat or go for a 10 minute walk, you might notice a bit of improvement in your symptoms. It’s okay if you can’t 🩷