I do, most of the time. I’ve always felt creative, I always have thousands of ideas and concepts for anything, be it a drawing, a song or a text of any kind, but regardless of what it is, anytime I sit down and try to make something I hate it, I hate it so deeply it disgusts me and kills any will to continue whatever it is I’m doing.
I tried to write some lyrics some days ago, it felt okay-ish until I wnt back and read it, at which point it feelt as if I was seeing someone else in the mirror: all the things, the ideas, the feelings I thought I put in it just aren’t there. It feels hollow, alien, repulsive.
I know I can’t be good as a beginner, but I’ve been a beginner in everything since I was a kid. And I kept trying and trying and trying, and every time I felt that feeling of disgust and repulsion, outrage even. I just can’t stand it anymore, and maybe “art”, or rather artistic self-expression, isn’t my thing? Maybe I keep trying to open a door that simply isn’t the one I’m supposed to open?
Did you ever feel this way and overcame it? I don’t even care about making whatever I make public, I just want to feel as if I gave shape to something I thought or felt.
Look, your first draft of anything is always going to be garbage. I’ve been writing for more than 10 years, and every short story, novel, poem, and screenplay is total trash on the first draft. Maybe I’ll get to a point at which that’s no longer true, but it hasn’t happened yet.
Part of the solution is in changing your mindset. Don’t read it and say “This is shit”, read it like a friend handed to you, and ask “What would make this better?” Is the pacing off? Is there too much exposition? Do the emotional moments fall flat? Why? What would you expect to see there? THAT is where the creative process actually starts. Everything before that is just organized, documented brainstorming. The creation is in taking those puzzle pieces and putting them together right.
The “uncarved block” isn’t the blank page, it’s the first draft.