This question’s on my mind because my coworker today mentioned they would vote for Trump if they could (mind you this is 2023, in Canada). I don’t generally have the talking points or the desire to fight about it, so I just deflected the conversation. But I often wish I was more strong-willed and could try to figure out why someone believes what they do and, if it’s invalid, then convince them otherwise.
Thus, I’m curious what you all would say or what you’ve done in the past!
Friends don’t let friends support fascists.
While I like the sentiment, it doesn’t actually address OP’s question. My guess is OP also hates fascists but has trouble discussing their opinions on politics with their fasc-curious friend for whatever reason, whether it’s because they want to preserve the relationship or generally have trouble keeping up in a back and forth (which is totally fine, being quick-witted is not a requirement to hate fascists). What are your tips for approaching the conversation?
If you’re privileged enough not to be threatened in that situation (ie you’re not a younger woman, an immigrant, LGBTQ+) and it’s not emotionally damaging to maintain the relationship, do. Be there, but be open about different and willing to answer questions. Either they’ll be an ass eventually, or maybe, just maybe, you can show them the rabbit hole is just their head in the sand. Cult deprogrammers say over and over that the best way to get people to see reason is through personal conversation. But don’t have expectations that it’ll work all at once, or if they go back and forth in their beliefs. Unlearning worldviews is hard work.
OP said coworker, which I think most people missed. If you’re privileged enough to quit your job over a coworker’s political opinion, more power to you, I guess. I think that’s letting the fascists win, since you’ve literally ceded ground. But I believe OP is looking for constructive solutions to discuss politics with a coworker to preserve the relationship, likely both for their sanity at work and because there’s other things about the person they like.
I wasn’t advocating that a person should quit. But there’s a far cry between the people I’m polite to because I see them at work everyday vs the people I’ll invest emotional energy in, converse with about more than the day’s weather. It’s really hard that OP has emotionally invested in a person who listens to bad people. That divide–where OP wants to put attention and conversation–is what I was trying to highlight. Have rational, honest conversations–if it’s safe to do so.
You gotta land somewhere on the spectrum of stupid-to-evil to be a Trump (or any of the new lumps of shit that have surfaced in Trump’s wake) supporter, and no point on the spectrum meets the standard for the kind of person I’d invest the time and effort needed to build a friendship.
Discovering that a current friend is that stupid/evil would reveal I misjudged that person previously and spell the end of that relationship. I can’t fix stupid, and I won’t tolerate evil.
That would be a deal breaker. Someone who would vote for folk who want me dead is not a friend, and it’s not something I would pretend not to hear.
It raises major questions about their ability to reason, absorb information, their morals and level of awareness about the world. And just personality. It’s difficult for me to imagine how people listen to that guy lie and ramble while being a petty, vindictive self-absorbed prick to everyone around him, and think “Yeah! This is someone I’d put in charge”.
I came to similar questions/conclusions talking to my coworker. It’s disappointing because otherwise he’s quite friendly and normal, but I’m realising perhaps that is just because I’m not the “wrong” type of person in their eyes. If he believes Trump would save the country, what else does he believe, right? And seriously, why?
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It’s a values thing.
Trump and those like him victimize my friends, are massive bigots, and the whole christofascist thing is just inherently fucked up.
Maybe there are Trump voters that aren’t those things, but that just means they’re fine with that shit
I wouldn’t be friends with someone like that
If they loved any of my least favorite politicians, we’d probably not be friends for much longer - they’re “least favorite” for a reason, after all. Also loving a political figure is completely bonkers. People who are infinitely less passionate than that will still have so strong beliefs you’ll never really (be allowed to) challenge them.
People are hard to persuade with just facts and logic. That’s even when politics aren’t involved ruining whatever tiny chance there was in the first place. Basically, everybody thinking they’d go Full Diplomat and convert the guy is 100% bullshitting themselves.
Also don’t fuck with politics at work. Managing idiots is a crucial skill in every job, being right is not the same as “winning” an argument, and even if you “win” there could be reprisals. It’s not right, but that’s the way the world is.
I would have 1 less friend.
Are you sure they’re your friend and not just someone you have to work with?
Personally, I don’t consider fascists my friends.
Since you’re addressing me specifically, I consider them a ‘friendly coworker’. I would happily move on when I stop working but day to day my interactions are pleasant. I considered titling as coworker, but I thought friend applied more generally and would encourage discussion.
… why exactly are they my friend if they’re trying to murder my other friends? I don’t get along too well with people who want to do that.
Who said anything about murder?
My least favorite politician wants to kill a lot of people.
My grandmother used to say: never talk about religion or politics with coworkers. Both topics get into personal beliefs that can make a professional relationship difficult.
For an actual friend, I would try to understand why they’re into the politician. People have lots of reasons for why they vote.
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My sister is a sweetheart who loves animals, nature, people, and has given so much of her time and money to take care of our mother.
She voted Trump and it seems like she would do it again. Why?
She’s a fundamentalist evangelical Christian. You have to understand the Christian slant if you’re setting out to understand Trump voters. It’s not the only lens to see the MAGA phenomenon through, but it’s a big one.
Why are those two tied together so tightly, even though it’s glaringly obvious that Trump isn’t a Christian himself and doesn’t espouse their values? He gave them all the things they wanted. And he’ll keep doing it.
You’ll find plenty of other people backing Trump as well, and many will be total assholes and pond scum. The liberal tears crowd, the trolls. Probably the ones many commenting here are talking about. But I suspect these types are only the vocal minority and it’s people like my sister who are a much more silent majority. They are beloved people in their communities, they are not the monsters you would make them out to be. It takes an open mind to understand their position. Make sure you’re ready to explore and understand without judgement, or else you might as well just write them off and find something more productive to use your time with.
People’s whose politics are fueled by hatred of others having rights are not good people, they just wear their good deeds as a “good people” costume.
We’ve listened, and yes they are monsters. Their entire purpose is to take away from others. That’s not good people.
they are not the monsters you would make them out to be
Ah, so a different variety of monster then, gotcha
Exactly. Kind in the micro, monsters in the macro. If you’re trying to raise money for the needy through the church but don’t want the government to help them at scale you really just want glory for your god and safety just for your community over other communities. Helping people is just an accident in pursuit of those causes.
What? Even if you engaged in charity solely to “glorify God”, why would welfare prevent you from doing that? Do you think welfare programs steal glory from God? Do you think that religious people think this way? (Outside of the literally mentally ill, no they don’t. They view charity as a moral obligation, not the only mechanism by which to “glorify God”. Just like any normal effective altruist).
“Just for your community over other communities”- Again, what? Improving the conditions of your community isn’t harming other communities. People in other communities also have a responsibility to improve their community, and there is nothing preventing one community from helping another.
“Helping people is just an accident in pursuit of those causes”-If it was just an accident, then surely it would be avoided? Let’s not forget that these causes are “glorifying God”, and either harming or ignoring other communities.
It’s okay to criticise trying to apply individualistic practices on a systemic scale, but you’re just fabricating nonsense to try to justify how you already decided to feel.
I’m sure your sister is a lovely person but how blind can she be after all that has happened? Is she voting for Trump or is she just brainlessly voting republican? And in either case, why? Where’s her culpablity?
loves animals, nature, people
voted Trump
If she did the latter, she isn’t the former.
Then you don’t know people well and I dare say you should put down the phone and try harder.
This low effort dunk just makes you look ignorant.
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Nothing. I say nothing.
The politicians that I hate would like me dead or completely mentally subjugated/repressed (I’m trans, autistic, and part of some other groups, also not exactly rolling in cash 😄 .). If I found out one of my friends supported someone like that they would cease being a friend, to put it mildly.
Most of my friends are also trans or have other reasons that fascists would treat them similarly to how they would me, so it’s extremely unlikely they would support those types :)
The best answer I think I can come up with is: Oh, wow, I liked you, but if you want me dead I think you must not really be a good person after all.
You’re not going to change their mind, so the best you can do is make them feel guilty for supporting someone who whishes harm on so many groups he’ll not even know which of those groups you are (and you might not be in any of those groups, he doesn’t need to know).
