My eldest is two and a half and she goes to nursery three days a week. There’s another girl at the nursery, around the same age as her, who seems to have some issues with hitting. Let’s call her Amy (not real name). We know Amy hit my daughter a few months back. Nursery were spoken to, they said they’d monitor and teach kind hands etc. Since then we’ve heard grumbling at the nursery gate about Amy that suggest she’s still causing trouble, but nothing that affected my daughter.
Yesterday my daughter told us “Amy hit me” in a heartbreaking little voice, but we got no more useful information out of her. My wife raised it with the nursery this morning, and was told that Amy had hit another child, and they were continuing to work on her. And yeah, fair enough, my toddler (and many others, I suspect) doesn’t have the consistency of language to differentiate between “I was hit” and “I saw someone else hit”, so maybe it’s communication thing. But this Amy obviously has some issues.
I’m a bit lost as to what to do. We’ve told our daughter to loudly say “no” and tell an adult if someone is mean to her. And I know that kids who hit are likely to have problems at home and so I don’t want to teach my daughter to be a mean girl in return. But this behaviour is obviously getting to her, and I just want my little girl to feel safe and happy.
I don’t know if we can ask the nursery to do much more, the staff are aware and keep an eye out, but they can’t be omniscient. And she has friends there, so I don’t really want to move nurseries. Does anyone have any ideas?
Yeah, our eldest has been bitten a few times, the rest of the story is basically the same.
All I can do for our kid is focus on him knowing it’s not acceptable behaviour and encouraging him to get an adult’s attention when something like that happens. Honestly, him seeing us say that Felix biting is very naughty seems to help him cope with the emotional distress.
Also our childcare did start doing some activities to practice sharing, and some activities to encourage talking about emotions, which both seemed to help.
Not a dad, so I hope it’s ok that I answer. At 2 and a half, it’s likely just the hitting stage that most children go through. It could be jarring if your kid didn’t/isn’t and I’m sorry she’s so upset about it. Both of my daughters had/have a hitting phase, but the older one grew out of it by three or so. The baby isn’t hitting as much, so that’s nice.
As for your daughter, I would just reassure her that everything will be ok and you love her and continue working with the nursery. Are there any other rooms she could be in if things do get worse? And other possible friends she could already have there if so? If not, I would just be sure that you have good communication with the school and are able to intervene if things continue or worsen. As much as you don’t want to pull her out, you may need to if it really affects her.
I’m out of the toddler business, but the easiest path is to ask for your daughter to be moved to another class. Pre-school wants your business and will typically do more than you will get from primary school down the line.
I would take to heart that this world is full of hitters, liars, yellers, spitters, etc. “Amy” is probably a fine kid and just going through a twist in development. Your daughter will need to learn to deal with this and most importantly know she is safe with you and while she might get an owwie, she is safe at preschool as well.
Thanks for the responses, all. Definitely reassuring to hear from others who have been through similar! Aside from that momentary sadness a few days ago, my daughter has not shown any other signs of distress at home or at nursery.
A few of the options suggested are off the table (moving class - it’s a small nursery and there is no other class, changing nurseries - the nursery are otherwise great and are literally a third cheaper than other local nurseries of a similar quality), but I will be having a calm and measured talk with my daughter about how hurting people is not OK and to tell an adult if she has it happen to her or if she sees it happen. After that I think we’ll just have to continue to monitor, and to hope that “Amy” gets through this stage fast.