I tried writing a post explaining why, but it’s just too much, and too many personal details and having to explain things going years back, it’s just to much.
Very very long story short I’m disabled, about to get evicted, and can’t find a suitable place to live and not mentally strong enough to live somewhere unsuitable again becuse it almost killed me the last times I had to. But ike I say, there is a lot more to it that makes it too big a mess to explain.
And I only have a couple of people supporting me and they’re not available and I’m spiralling in to the dark places where this is all heading, and I figured I’d shout in to the void and see if anyone answers back.
No good news yet. Not heard back from any of the places I’ve applied to but have applied for another.
There also seems to have been some fuck up on the court case front, so everything is being fast tracked, and I’m not even sure a defence was put in on my behalf by the people I trusted to take care of it, so I’m not quite sure what to do next (only real option is to hire a lawyer and try to fight it myself but I don’t know that I have the spare time and resources for that, I need to focus on finding a place and moving out in time).
I did make a call to a housing charity to try and figure out how much time I actually had before a full blown eviction, which I thought might be as soon as next week, but it will be at least 2 weeks more, so the panic that started this whole thread was justified, but I do have a tiny bit longer than I thought I did, so I might still be able to claw my way out of this, but only just.
Well. It’s still progress… I’m glad you’re still trying to work it out for yourself. I think a lot of people would probably have given up by now. So on that front I hope you feel a little better.
For me, I had no choice but to keep cracking away at adversity no matter the result. It’s not easy and mostly in my experience atleast was exhausting but nonetheless, things seemed to have worked out mostly. I’m still not anywhere close to have things in place in which I desire fully but it’s a lot better than what it was before.
Hopefully you continue to find motivation and strength through all this. I’m inspired by your willingness to continue to be honest. I know it isn’t easy.
I really appreciate the supportive words but I won’t lie, it’s a struggle every minute, but I don’t want to end it all over this bullshit, but also I do know my limits and that if I’m pushed past a certain point, I just won’t be able to fight anymore, and that in itself adds so much distress to an already distressing situation.
But as you say, it’s almost like there is no choice but to fight, so you fight.
I just heard back about the house I applied for yesterday and I’ve been turned down which really sucks, and I don’t want to jinx it, but the house I applied for today is a better fit, so I’m keeping everything crossed while trying not to get any hopes up in case it’s another no.
Having this space to just let this all out without feeling like I’m burdening anyone has helped a lot too, so thank you for taking the time to hear me.
It’s nice to have met you and thanks for allowing me the opportunity to be here for you!
So talking about not fighting anymore… a few years ago I was stuck on the streets in my home state. I lived in a dead pine forest on federal property for a little more than a year. I had a tent and a few other things I needed to go with it. In the middle of summer, I became ill so I decided that it might be better for me to be closer to people just incase something happened to me. I figured maybe someone would get me help if I needed it.
People didn’t like seeing me around at all. I had constant police interaction multiple times a day and some of them were very rude! I kinda gave up because I never bothered anyone and I kept my distance from everyone as best I could. So yeah, I was constantly being harassed by shitty people. To the point I told the police that there’s nothing I can do about it and if I’m so much of a problem then fix it. Told them that they could put me in jail or take me to a mental hospital but I’d eventually come back. One cop even tried to fight me but I stood up to him and his police buddy prevented a really bad accident from happening that night. I no longer gave a shit…
I took showers in the local grocery store while jamming out to gospel music. Started sleeping wherever at a shopping mall… kept telling the police that they can’t continue to harass me just because some loser didn’t want me around. People are horrible and especially when they are better off than you… they think it’s alright to try and hurt you because you’re nothing to them or society.
But guess what? The police chief came to talk to me. He brought his wife with him and also a couple deputies. They put me up in a motel and gave me a little bit of money. They also found me a place to stay for a while… was some Mexican dude with a Mexican restaurant. Was really cool they helped me and I was thankful but life happened and I decided it was time to move on and still to this day, nobody knew why I left but I couldn’t work, I was too weak from not having enough food or proper shelter and still was very sick. It wasn’t worth explaining the issue with anyone so I ghosted everyone.
It’s always been like this for me. I just sorta go where the wind blows yanno. I never know if I’m gonna be alright but it’s whatever and today is no different. Our lives are precious but we’re disposable to those who do all kinds of evil. It is what it is… my motto is, when I die… bury me upside down so everyone can kiss my ass goodbye lol
That was a tough read, and I’m sorry you had to go through all of that, those kinds of experiences never really leave you and shape how you see humanity, don’t they… It sounds like you’re in a better situation now though, I hope that’s the case. I’ve had bad interactions with cops myself, it can be terrifying, but also you know that if they wanted to they could end you, and you’re so low (because you’re already having a mental health crisis, and the cops should never be there to deal with that to begin with) that you actually wouldn’t care.
But you did get me to chuckle at the end there, though I will admit I was expecting it to be a place to park their bikes lol.
On a more serious note though, this
really sums it up perfectly - there is only so much we can do when there are people out there with the will and power to harm us, the best we can do is try to go on despite that and do our best possible to avoid them.
So far I’m still dodging my evil landlord and the courts that seem to be siding with him, but no new developments, so still no solution as it stands. But I keep taking one day at a time, and trying not to sink in to despair quite just yet.