So I’m not sure how to define my sexuality. I only care because I have a hard time explaining it to others (men mostly women don’t care).
Basically about 2 years ago I came out as bisexual (50/50 attraction). I had a lot of sexual trauma and resolved it in therapy. I had a whore phase to explore myself, but I honestly don’t enjoy sex that much. I maybe cum 1-2/10 times, so mostly it’s been about pleasing my partners.
A couple months ago, I basically stopped dating because I kinda don’t care to. I find I get much more out of dance and hobbies. I still get horny, but after masturbating, I am back to not caring.
Sex just sounds remarkably unrewarding and too much effort. I like connecting with people, but dancing with someone is way less complicated than arranging sex for the same reward. Friends annoy me sometimes because they assume I’m just not having success.
Is this asexuality? I still sometimes like sex, just very rarely.
I would say that what you describe falls in the spectrum, but no one can decide whether you’re asexual but yourself. As pointed out, a label is just a tool to better understand yourself and find people that somewhat can relate to your experience.
Asexual people can experience libido (sex-drive) or not, aesthetic attraction, can masturbate or not, engage in sexual activities for a number of reasons (feeling close to someone, pleasing someone, etc.), etc.
What really helped me was to listen to other ace people experiences. You can find a bunch of resources online, for a starter I really like the “free from desire” podcast, which touch on a number of the things you describe in your post.
Best of luck in your self-introspection, whether or not you decide that the label is for you you’ll have come out the other way with a better understanding of yourself :) .
Also take care, do not put too much pressure on yourself, and please don’t let other define your relationship to your sexuality for you.