Recently diagnosed and in my 30s. I’ve always felt like everybody else have received a user manual that I’ve never gotten. A user manual on how to be human and how to interact with other humans. It’s especially interacting with people that trigger my anxiety. I explained this to my psychologist. Her initial response was that I didn’t seem like I had any issues interacting with her, so either that wasn’t true or I’m just really good at pretending. Now I’m sitting here, going over what she said, second guessing myself, and I just don’t know. This was relatively early on in my session, so I think she understood my anxiety later on. She definitely opened my eyes regarding being more aware of my own needs.
I don’t know. Now I just have this nagging feeling of maybe I’m faking my anxiety in regards to socializing.
We really got into why I mask after that comment. She asked me why and when I felt the need to be so convincing. The answer was that I’ve always felt that way. I’ve always felt wrong and I didn’t want people to know it. But she also made me realize that I need to be aware of my own needs, and that I can’t try to please everyone on the cost of my own mental health. I don’t know. I guess it was a small comment that led us down a path as to why I felt the need to “pass as normal”. But not only to pass as normal, but also how I set aside my own personal needs aside in order to appease everybody else.
Hopefully the discussion was productive and made you feel heard and understood at the end.