So I don’t really know how to ask this question because I can’t quite explain what I really mean or want to ask.
I am now 30 years old and I couldn’t be in a better situation than currently. My job is fun and providing me enough money to live a happy life and pay my own built house (I am a nurse). I have way more free time than lets say even in my childhood. I remember coming home from school and feeling anxiety cause of exams. I remember nursing school, it was hell for me.
Now all I have to do is go to work and when my shift is done I am off and can do whatever I want whenever I want. I don’t have to ask parents to drive me somewhere, I have my own money, I have my own house, I can play video games all day… and still, I don’t know why but nostalgia is real.
I am not even sure if my feelings are real. I can only give silly examples like coming home from school, logging into world of warcraft with friends and having a blast. But I don’t think it was like that. We were all just in skype and everyone was minding their own business in that game. We had good laughs though.
I don’t know. My life should be so much better than it was 15 years ago but I miss the 2000s era. It all just felt so different. I remember the hot summers going to the lake with friends.
Now? I don’t know. Maybe it is because it seems like I am the only one that has so much “time” and no one really joins anymore. While I have a wife and no kids and most of my friends don’t even have a wife yet (so no kids…) they still are somehow busy and don’t go to the lake anymore, don’t play video games anymore, don’t do anything. I actually wonder what they do all day.
Life felt more exciting back then. Maybe because I had goals and now I am “done”? But this should feel good. I am happy that I am “done”. House, wife, job. Those were the things I wanted back then and now I am more than happy to have those things.
Yup that’s a nostalgia.
It’s part of growing old, it’s part of coming to terms with mortality.
Soon, you’ll say the words, “but music really was better back then, it really meant something, now it’s just manufactured trash”. You’ll really mean it too.
You’ll convince yourself that the crime rate was lower and that people were friendlier, no matter what statistics you are shown.
“We really respected our elders”.
Next up, friend, the mid-life crisis where you think you can get it all back.
Bro, you’re 30. Fucking live it up and enjoy. Shit’s gonna get real for you in the next 1-2 decades.
:( anxiety went up
No point in it, chill out. Do some mindfulness shit, lift some weights, take a walk, whatever.
Shit broke in 1974. The middle class was a negligible voting base by the time anybody realized what happened. The rich let the middle class think they were upper class by allowing them to participate in their casino knowing its only so they could take their money. They convinced the lower class they were middle class by giving them loans for houses and cars they will spend their entire life paying off. They keep the truly broke and desperate broke and desperate by creating social programs they keep people poor. You always have it better than someone, and you don’t want to lose that comfort. So the 1% will continue to spread the gap. The 1300 with 94% will be 500 will 98%. No worry though, were all going to die early from climate change. Which you still blame yourself for because the corporations that produce 80% of pollution have enough money and time to convince you it’s your fault for capitalism.
15 years ago I was a young man in his early 20’s. I was struggling with poverty and an inability to form intimate relationships.
I’m now an old man that is desperately trying to ensure a retirement after living a disappointing existence. This year the last connection I had to a family unit dissolved. I am alone.
I don’t look fondly on my past, it was constant suffering from neglect of a world that saw no use for me. At least in the present I’m unaware of the horrors that await me.
You’re late 30s? I wouldn’t consider that old. I hear many stories of older people reinventing themselves.
Admittedly, I don’t know your situation though.
Hang in their friend!
Imo many of the comments here are missing the point, and it sounds like you may not be familiar with the breadth of other life experiences.
That said, I think one of the key things you’ve described is experiences vs things, and time vs loneliness. Having arrived doesn’t make people happy. Having fewer problems doesn’t (necessarily) make people happy. Living in the moment, finding connections, building new experiences, finding ways to help people can all help.
That said, you’re probably also experiencing some existential questions more. The future branches of your life are no longer the focus. Mindfulness can help with that. When life has changed, you don’t feel fulfilled, and you have everything that society says you should have, it’s still easy to wake up one day and realize you’re depressed. It sounds like you’re starting to look for answers. You may be surprised to find that there really aren’t any. And that’s ok.
2009… bachelor with good income, loads of job security,and next to no personal responsibilities…
“Better” is subjective, but it was definitely easier as I’ve since become a family man.
Amen to that.
I think if I looked at my life then Vs now I’d probably argue that I was “happier”. My life was pretty easy, I had ultimated free time and no one to worry about but myself.
Fifteen years later and that’s not the case, I’ve got two young kids who really take it out of me, barely enough money to make ends meet and we’re further away from owning a home than ever. I’m more burnt out, more stressed, more worried…and yet I’d still argue that my life is better now than it was then. Happier no, but I think my life is in some ways more…full than it was before.
I feel you. For quite a while my finances were way down the drain, and my career had stagnated to the point where I felt miserable and permanently stressed out. But I still would’ve chosen it over going back in time. I was lucky enough to upgrade my income four years ago, and get help with colateral for a house two years ago. While my four kids sure as hell make my life a lot more stressful, I would not want it any other way.
In contrast 2009 was a actually a very bad year for a lot of people. I think what you’re feeling is pretty normal. Try create some new fun, don’t do too much in terms of recreating things except to confirm / dis-confirm memories.
A few thoughts -
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Missing childhood is normal: you had (effectively) no responsibilities (even if you had less time), making friends was simple as you were constantly mixing with a large peer group at school and being children there was little friction to making new friends.
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You’ve grown apart from your current friends and it’s hard to go make new ones. Your friends likely have time but don’t share your interests or have dedicated that time to their own new friendships. You dedicate more time to your wife as well (or if you don’t you’ve got a marriage that needs fixing). Finding new friends is rough but it’s probably your next step.
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You might be suffering from depression or burnout. If life isn’t exciting when you’ve “got it all” then you should probably consult a therapist or even psychiatrist. There’s so much joy and richness to be had in life - I’m excited every day to go try new things or to stay at home with my partner or to go play games with friends online.
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Have you considered liberating Malevelon Creek?
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Except for the fact I was 15 years younger, no.
You’re a grown person now, you’re starting to think more and deeply about life. Back then, you were a kid and everything was “amazing”. I know for a fact that my childhood was absolute shit, but I still miss it all the time. That’s just a normal grown up crap that you’ll get over sooner or later. Enjoy what you have and make the best out of it.
I am really interested where in the/in what country a single nurse’s salary can afford you a new house
It’s not that far off. I’m near Seattle, and make approximately the same as the average RN in Washington State (~$100k), and I’m in the early stages of purchasing some land and building a house on it for myself. You can get the house built for around $250k, and the land for less than $100k if you shop for it. Which is certainly interesting given the average home in Washington State is $500k+.
What company is building your house?
Full disclaimer: I haven’t signed any agreements or anything with the company to build a house for me yet. True Built Homes just comes well recommended by a couple of co-workers of mine, and I’m working on moving in that direction myself.
that’s some cheap land. everywhere I’ve lived the land is 3x the house. there are of course houses equal to the land or more, but I’m too poor.
Fifteen years ago I was 25, broke, depressed, alone, and getting ready to pick up and move to a different city because my friend group was getting too fractured and incestuous. Sixteen years ago I was homeless.
Hell no it wasn’t better. 24-25 was the absolute worst time of my life.
Fun fact, the 90’s where 30 years ago
Liar…
44 male with a wife since 25yo. I want to say I was in the same boat in my early 30s. But things changed once I had my kid. Like life completely changed. My mindset changed and I don’t have those feels anymore. My priorities changed. I just have joy seeing my son grow up.
Not saying you should knock up your wife. Just saying that you have to have a purpose. My friends without kids went into teaching and became a mentor for underprivileged kids. My other friend became a kids counselor. Both have no kids but found purpose.
I am making not much more than I was 15 years ago. I don’t have the disposable income now that I had then. We hung out with friends and we weren’t absorbed in our phones. (I’m older gen x)
