I think you’re confused. Depression is a medical condition, while life circumstances can contribute, someone doesn’t have to have a terrible life to have depression. She didn’t choose it anymore than you did, she also lived in a time when much less was known about depression and there were not as many options to treat it. If you are looking for some clarity on your life, you should do some research on depression. Sylvia Path didn’t choose to have it and neither did you. People experience depression differently and you shouldn’t compare her struggle to yours. Your struggle is valid but so was hers. There might not be some big life lesson in her journals but you can take solace knowing you’re not alone, others have experienced depression as well.