We need a team of, say, New Zealand ex rugby players with a proven disinterest in football, and a passion for rules and fairness. Any other sport or nationality, really. Just not British prima donnas who have been threaded through our sport like knotweed for decades.

“Nous sommes L’obbs” *inserts Eiffel Tower silhouette

There’ll be helmets and pads before you know it. This all started with the tacit acceptance of the word ‘jersey’. IT’S A TOP, ALRIGHT? Shirt, at a push.

Foreign players with no history of English football connections. And no secrets to be leveraged by mysteries betting rings. Or how about ex players from a completely different sport?