Westminster Magistrates Court heard that 30-year-old Paolo Bollag stripped off in central London’s Kensington Gardens last April and indulged in a series of lewd acts.
Bollag, from west London, denied a charge of outraging public decency, and opted for a crown court trial. He was bailed on the condition that he does not enter the park again before it begins.
Magistrates heard Bollag had been pleasuring himself before ‘thrusting’ into an unspecified tree in the park, which it situated next to Kensington Palace.
The court further heard that the investment manager, whose LinkedIn profile says works at Oakley Capital, rammed soil into his underwear and rubbed his crotch.
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With undercrackers full of soil and a head full of Ent porn. He who is without sin, throw the first branch.