Someone should set up an alternative state-citizen (or whatever) Postmaster General, assuring these people that they are the one legitimate one because (insert pseudolegal mumbo-jumbo here) and, for a monthly fee (payable in advance, real cash only), they will handle their complaints and send them back encouraging replies about legal actions they’re initiating against the “fraudsters” in admiralty court.

Never ask a Mennonite why it’s ok to use car springs on their horse buggies.