For the DDT fam:
Awesome! I wish Pixies did solo shows too.
Me, too. I couldn’t get down in time today. ☹️
Wooooooooooo
I’ve almost lost my voice, but I am seriously emotional. Seeing Black live has always been a wish of my mine and tonight it came true.
I am so privileged.
I’ve only just managed to load my car with a full, penultimate load of stuff (and a fucking busted tyre still in the back lol).
All the little jars of spices, the oils and vinegars, random pantry odds and ends, the unbelievable amount of stuff in the bathroom, other stray items like a random desk lamp and bits in various containers just dumped into a box… couch accoutrements…
Had a shower in the old place, thankfully had the foresight to leave a change of clothes out, finally eating my only real meal for the day. I’m going to go straight to the other place, slap a sheet on the mattress and call it a night.
Chuck a sickie tomorrow, start moving stuff up, get tyre organised, clean old place with friend…
I’m seriously laughing at how much I underestimated this. Next time I’ll start packing WAY earlier and take more time off!!
Thank you everyone for the kindness. I have a big tray of roast veg in the oven so dinner/lunch is sorted and yummy at least. Will be having an early night and hopefully a sleep
Goodnight mate :)
Sometimes I eat my dinner standing in the kitchen to avoid this exact scenario lol
In front of the tv AND has eyes on the dinner
I just want to eat and watch Samurai Jack in peace lol
Kissy kissy
just need to get this out but no obligation to read it
I feel really alone right now. I feel like I am drowning at work and my general exhaustion level is so high I am not catching up there or at home. I am wrought with anxiety and I have kinda lost the will to push through. There are so many big things to be done and I am stuck on details. And every time I make time someone else has a problem and I get dragged sideways.
And it’s hard to push through when I feel like the world is a mess anyway. What good can I really do? Am I just burning myself out in a corner for nothing?
For reasons the work situation is not a “can you talk to your manager and ask for XYZ” one…what I am carrying is legit mine but I am struggling.
I am just dead sick of being the grown up and the strong one for others right now. I want to go home…whatever that means.
I’ve been in a similar place. Can you take some stress leave/sick leave? Ideally at least two weeks so that a) you can unwind properly and b) somebody else has to pick up the slack at work.
Do it now, not once project x is done or when we’ve met that next deadline. New stuff will keep coming up.
I don’t know what the answers are but you’ve got a friend in me. 💜
Everytime I press the red heart it comes up black. Maybe I’ve used up my red hearts quota or run out of red ink. 🤷♀️ anyway red heart, red heart, red heart.
It’s purple to me?
(I always use black hearts.)
Oh yeah that one is but I like to do red hearts (they keep coming up small and black) because what does any other coloured heart mean?
red heart red heart back. Thanks. It means a lot having a safe space. I have good real world friends but sometimes I just need a scream into the ether
I can relate to the loneliness and the feeling of drowning at work.
I don’t have any real advice, but I hope you can find some peace soon ❤️
Is stress leave a possibility for you?
Edit: Also, is there anyone close to you that can help with even the smallest of things at home?
yes, take the load off at home
Ughh this feeling of aloneness while being overwhelmed with work, I’ve felt it so many times. The only advice I can offer is to look after yourself as much as you can. A home cooked meal, going for a walk or doing other exercise, proper wind down before going to sleep. This past weekend wasn’t great for me mentally and doing these three things helped.
Hey interwebs friend, this is the reason I’m on a sabbatical. Can you afford to take the break even if it means burning through your savings?
I’m not sure what to say but feel very like this in other ways.
I’m wondering if there’s any way you can half ass some of the details a little bit so you don’t get stuck? I don’t know what you’re working on but sometimes done > perfect
Otherwise you’re well within your rights to insist on the time you’ve carved out so you don’t get dragged sideways.
Taking some leave in whatever form is a good idea because this sounds like burnout.
Whatever happens I wish you can get some peace or rest somehow, even for a moment.
I have three weeks off at christmas, and there are just a couple of really crappy situations to navigate first. I struggle when I can’t even see a start. I’m setting a hard “pens down” rule at night so I can get a little bit of relaxattion in each day. Thanks for the thoughts
so many hugs
maybe the world and your little part of the world would be a million times messier if not for you
like in Alice in Wonderland, we have to run just to keep in the same place
Since you can’t delegate how about resetting your timetable?
On a positive note, it’s good they want a grown up and do defer.
Thanks - I’m trying with the timetable, but my body gave up on my overnight and I crash slept in. Luckily I could take the morning off but that’s partly why I was feeling down - I desperately need a timetable and can’t stick to it. I will persist.
I get a lot of what you’re talking about, too, especially the close to burnout feelings. Hugs and sympathy from across the ether - you’re not alone 💛
Hahahahahahahahahaha fuck me, of course I had to be careless and hit a kerb so hard I got a flat tyre on top of everything else… perfect timing…
Luckily roadside assist came very quickly but now I need to get a new tyre within 2 days 😭 anyone have tips on how to find a good tyre shop? I have no frigging idea. Need it done pretty quickly…
Google the ones closest to home. Pick the one that’s closest to 5 stars and lots of reviews. Get quotes from 3 of them. Pick one.
Top tier practical and logical advice. Thanks CEO. Found a few good ones close to home/work. Can’t do any online bookings til Wed but I’ve narrowed down three to call tomorrow first thing at 8am and put in a reminder on my phone. Done.
👍
Unless you’ve got a mechanic that you usually go to on a regular basis see if there’s a Bob Jane Tmart near you?
Edit: also if cost isn’t an issue you can also maybe try to get someone out to come see you.
Mobile Tyre shop seems to have good reviews
Haven’t found a mechanic for this car yet (used to use my old work’s one when I was working there, it’s too far). Thanks for the rec. Do you think they’ll be able to have a quick squizz at the undercarriage to let me know if there’s been any additional damage? I’m planning on a long drive over the holidays…
I’m not sure about the mobile one.
Bob Jane checked all my wheels when I got a flat and did a realignment and whatever is standard.
Could ring them up and see if they’ll be able to check for damage on the undercarriage when they change the tyre over.
I had to use MyCar for my last flat because they were the only place open between Christmas and New Year, and they were fine. Quick, efficient, friendly.
There’s one near me too that’s got decent reviews, definitely one of the options I’ll call tomorrow
I found an easy recipe for Golden Syrup Pudding. Oooo yeah.
I remember golden syrup dumplings
Yep. Very similar.
Staple of my childhood. Yum! Love it on a cold night. My mum put a bit of lemon zest in the pudding mix. Recommend this no matter what recipie you use.
how easy is easy?
some of those pudding recipes take ages and ages to do and then it takes the man of the house approx 15 seconds to eat it
Like easy easy. As easy as making a cake. I used to watch my Nana make it but I couldn’t remember the ingredient measurements mainly because she never really used any. Then she steamed it.
Boiled fruit pudding on the other hand lots of fruit, suet, spices etc. Hours on the stove.
I’ll take pics of the recipe tomorrow and post them.
Oh yum! Haven’t hadn’t that in years. So delicious with cream.
My Nana used to make it and it was glorious. Gonna talk to my mum tomorrow because I know she’ll be interested in making it.
This hayfever i assume is kicking my ass today. Head and sinuses blocked up and sneezing all afternoon.
the itching is insane
i think my upbringing is messing me up atm.
Old man was/is a sub specialist looking after acute disease / end of life stuff. Emotion is completely out the window when it comes to care (shit needs to get done with a clear mind). I was on the phone from about 13yo speaking to these patients when he wasn’t home (which was a lot) and all I could do was listen to that fear. They just wanted someone to hear them (emotionally). Used to go on rounds with him and he has a very good bed side manner, but once out of the room back into get shit done mode.
Seeing mum in her chair just staring at the ground depressed is heartbreaking. Asking me to read texts from buds is heartbreaking. Her telling me the old man hasn’t said a nice word since (he’s in doc mode) is rough. I’m sort of caught between being someone she can speak to with emotion, but then I have to switch my own on and off depending on what needs to happen. When you leave the room it’s a tidal wave of the realisation of a new reality for her.
All my discussions with the old man are clinical (and it needs to be), but I can see a few cracks in his demeanour which is… unusual and… heartbreaking (and telling).
I don’t really have hope that her vision will recover beyond where it is now. But flipping emotion on and off like this is something I’ve never done.
Easier said than done, but you need to allow yourself the space to just be outside this dynamic. This is new territory for everyone and even for those that work in field. We can think or imagine how we’re going to respond or handle something like this, but the truth is we never know until we are in the moment.
I hope that you have people close where you can express this. It might also not be what your father wants to hear right now, but it sounds like your mother needs him as a husband and not a doctor right now. The sooner he hears that, the better. She’s probably scared and she needs to feel like she is more than someone who needs to be treated. You know, patient centered care and being holistic and all that…
Sending you the biggest hugs. Please talk to friends/loved ones/or other if you can.
He’s probably in clinical mode because he’s overwhelmed and feels he might not cope or be able to help otherwise
That’s very likely. It’s common to retreat or default to (we all do it), but it needs to be pointed out to him.
Yeah. Some of us are like that more than others because that’s where our strengths are, or if we break down then what help can we offer.
Hopefully he’s able to handle the emotional side
Heart goes out to you Racer. Navigating this will be a challenge for anyone. We are here for support and venting. There is still a chance that your mum will recover more than present situation too. Sending healing vibes.
You’ll need to be there for your dad too - sounds like he might need someone to model how to be human/emotional too. Which is lot to ask but there’s not a chance in hell that he’ll seek outside professional advice methinks.So many hugs. Healing is hard, and it takes a lot of time.
gees, so many hugs.
You shouldn’t be doing this and in the past your dad shouldn’t have asked you to do that.
I suggest getting a nurse or aid in to do a lot of that. Contact the hospital about organising one.
and hugs again.
Mate, that’s definitely a lot to wear on your own. It’s a very delicate situation to navigate. I have absolutely nothing useful to add except that you’re an incredibly awesome human and as everyone else has said do talk to others about it (vent here, to a friend, a shrink…) You shouldn’t have to go through this alone. I hope this difficult time will eventually (even if painfully at first) bring forward some vulnerability and openness from all parties. Big hugs 🫂
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time mate. I was with my mother through her difficulties and you’re right, it is heartbreaking.
It takes a real toll.
I hope everything works out ❤️
All the hugs… its such a tough situation to be going through, for everyone 💛
I just thought of something. Everything now is sleek and touch screens, but perhaps if you went for technology that was a bit older it would have raised tactile buttons that your mum could feel so she could control it. You don’t even have to look.
You can get old iPod shuffles or generic mp3 players off eBay and they clip to clothing so she can’t drop and lose it. I did have a generic mp3 player that ran off a simple SD card but it had a hissing sound so ymmv.
Mp3s of music can be ripped from cds and maybe even music and audiobooks downloaded from public domain sites like the Internet Archive. You might even be able to get cheeky and download something audio heavy (and public domain! wink) from YouTube. Winrar can help you with any conversions.
There are also narrators built in to some operating systems and screen readers if that wasn’t good enough.
I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be toxically positive or dismiss anybody’s emotions. This is terrifying to go through and I can’t imagine the sudden loss of independence she feels.
I just thought to offer some options that might help with boredom/depression and allow her to choose activities for herself/control the device
Edit: Can you get screenreaders on phones to read texts? Maybe she can get a jitterbug (simplified phone for elderly) and maybe there can be buttons where one or two numbers can be programmed in. Or Siri can be set up to allow her to call people.
It really helps mentally when you know you’re able to do something without assistance. It’s a comfort knowing any time of the day or night you can choose to listen to something or call someone whether a support person is there or not.
I’m so sorry. Aged, end of life or disability care can be brutal especially when it’s your mum. Definitely get some carers in to help share the load
i am so full of enthusiasm that I have to stop myself from starting everything at once.
I’ll just start one new thing a week and let that become a new norm.
I am okay, promise. It was a M O M E N T due to the vast amounts of alcohol I had.
But, went back home with my cousin and kept going till 3am with jaegermeister on ice 😱
My head hurts and hates me
Hope you’re feeling better. jaegermeister can be a slippery slope at times.
Big hugs. Hope you’re feeling better 💛
Hope you feel better soon, Spud 💜
Well, the assignment is done and submitted. It’s not very good. Hopefully it is enough to pass.
I really have no interest/enthusiasm for this subject, but it is compulsory in the diploma. I guess I just see how I go half arsing it and if I fail try to kick myself into trying a bit harder next go around.
God bless chilled out movers. Everything went flawlessly and they were such nice guys yet efficient and professional. The perfect thing for one of life’s most stressful times.
One more item gone on FBM, another one pending… LL has finally emailed to say how she wants the keys dropped off - thankfully the agency’s only a 15 min drive off peak from work, I could nip over during lunch and come back.
Need to catch my breath a little and eat something… then time for more ferocious packing and loading shit into my car.
Professional movers are the BEST…I never used them until I had to move at start of lockdown and it was the only choice and now I will scrimp and save and spend that money every time. I think they also love it when they only have a small move and you have taken the time to organise a bit.
You are nearly there!!!
Yep, I could’ve had a heart attack from the stress when moving in, watching my friends try to lug this heavy-arse entertainment unit up 2 flights of stairs. Nearly slipped out of their hands, would’ve smashed their foot big time…
This is my first time using pros, absolutely using them for the move out. Worth every cent. Some things are 100% worth paying for. Saves time, stress, damage, and the likelihood of injury!!
I think I’ll be happy if I hear a few songs from Ten tonight to be honest.
If I hear Black, I am complete!
