I went to a gay nightclub and most of the night I just stood there not talking to anyone (for the third night in a row). But when I was about to leave I managed to compliment a guy’s top. He said thanks then we didn’t really interact anymore.

As I was leaving, I noticed him standing outside, so I went and asked if he was waiting for a ride (to make sure he was alright I guess? I don’t really know why I did it tbh). He said yeah a friend was coming to pick him up.

But then he asked me for my Snapchat or Instagram, I told him I could give my phone number (I don’t have either of those apps) and he handed me his phone to put my number in the messages app and message myself so I get his number. I told him my name and he told me his.

Then I just sort of went back to my car and left. I have no idea what to do next. We didn’t really talk or anything, everything I said above is the entirety of my interactions with him. So we don’t know anything about each other.

So what do I do? Did I walk away too early? What do I text him? Try to get to know him over text? How would I even start that? Or just ask to meet up at a coffee shop or something? How do I not sound desperate? Do I need to wait 3 days or whatever social rule bullshit exists? Did he just exchange numbers to humor me to get me to go away?

I have literally no experience with any of this, but I do have crippling social anxiety.

  • edge [he/him]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
    0·
    1 year ago
    Do you mind proofreading the first message?

    Hey [name], it was nice meeting you! Sorry I didn’t really have much to say on Saturday, I can be pretty shy [maybe: with new people]. Did you have a good time that night?

    Although I’m worried the conversation could come to a pause. If he just replies with something like “Yeah I had a good time.” with no question for me. There’s nothing really to follow up.

    Or actually, I feel like it would probably go “did you have a good time?”, “yeah, you?”, “yeah” and then I wouldn’t know how to follow up.

    a follow up question that is still pretty general and not too personal.

    What could this question be? I can’t really think of anythIng.

    • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
      0·
      1 year ago

      Looks good!

      Although I’m worried the conversation could come to a pause. If he just replies with something like “Yeah I had a good time.” with no question for me. There’s nothing really to follow up.

      If that happens leave it for a short while maybe and then ask them if they go there often.

      Or actually, I feel like it would probably go “did you have a good time?”, “yeah, you?”, “yeah” and then I wouldn’t know how to follow up.

      The next thing, for more neurotypical conversations like this, is “breadcrumbing” where you lead the next question they’ll ask you by saying something like “Yeah, I had a good time. It was the first time I’ve been there and it was more fun than I expected.” This indicates that, if they have a fairly high level of social reciprocity, they should ask you where you normally go out where you can respond by saying where you normally go to or, alternatively, to say that you don’t go out that often but instead you engage in other hobbies or activities, such as saying that you tend to get up early and go to the gym on weekends rather than going out partying or that you tend to stay in watching movies. That sort of thing.

      What could this question be? I can’t really think of anythIng.

      Were you out with friends? What do you do for fun? Are you in college? That sort of thing. Try to pick up on the cues that the other person leaves for you to inform what you ask about - if they mention a topic they are typically signalling for you to ask a question about that topic.