I’ve been hooking up with a girl i knew from my high school years for the past month now. She has no job and she lives at home with her parents. She hasn’t had a job since she got fired from her last job at a clothing store (about 8 months ago). I can’t say I’m in love although we do say i love you to each other. She kind of brought up the idea yesterday after we had sex. Not going to lie I’m a little scared. What should i do? Do i break up with her? Should i make an ultimatum that if she wants to move in with me she needs to get a job first? Edit: she wants to move into my apartment

  • Alice@exploding-heads.com
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    1 year ago

    You said you’re not in love with her, there’s your answer right there. In my opinion, being that she doesn’t hasn’t doesn’t have an income, the offer to move in should come from YOU.

    I’m all about stay at home moms, but you’re obviously not ok with her not working so In truth she has no money to contribute. You would essentially be taking care of her.

    And that’s why I say moving in together should not be up to her. I might being over dramatic but I think that’s a little bit rude and entitled on her end.

    I’m not trying to talk shit. But you’d clearly be taking her on financially and like I’ve said, that should be entirely your decision not hers.

    Dude, no offense, but you’re grown. You shouldn’t be afraid to have this conversation with her.

    My honest advice is to be straightforward with her and tell her something like

    "I’m not exactly sure where we stand and moving in is a huge commitment. I’m not gunna lie, but the fact that you are not working or going to school concerns me because I’m not sure what you’re are expecting with you moving in and not having an income.

    Did you want me to support you financially while you stay home and take care of the house?

    I’m asking because we need to be totally transparent here bc in the event it doesn’t work out you’re going to have to look for your own place, and I don’t see how that would be possible sense you don’t have an income.

    I personally feel like we are moving to fast, and I’d prefer to wait a while before we jump into something like that. "

  • Masterofballs@exploding-heads.com
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    1 year ago

    Personally what I wanted in a woman is one who would stay home, give me children, take care of those children and cook me food. So a job and college degree was not important to me. Though my wife did have like an associate degree and a part time job when I met her. She quit after I got her pregnant.

    Those things could be indicators of a stable mind though. Depending on her age. A college degree could also indicate she was plowed through by dozens of men and you are the result of her settling in a man who isn’t her dream but a safe choice . Avoid those types. They will just take your money.

    I’ve had a woman who basically would never leave and the police told me I had to give her a 30 days notice even though she technically didn’t even live there. She just slept over all the time.

    When they live with you you open yourself up to several problems.

    My advice, if you have not talked with her and agreed about how many children you want, what your goals are you should probably leave and find another girl or two to get over her with.

    • Ironskillet@exploding-heads.comOP
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      1 year ago

      “A college degree could also indicate she was plowed through by dozens of men and you are the result of her settling in a man who isn’t her dream but a safe choice .” This came to my mind

      • zipmethod@lemmy.zip
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        1 year ago

        Lol lets hope he is an incel or else his poor wife is the only actual woman who settled.

        In reality there is no right answer. Does she make you happy? Does she contribute to your life? Contribution doesnt have to be financial. It can be also emotional contribution like positivity and desire to help both your lives get better. It can also be as simple as making sure your day to day lives are better like cooking and cleaning. But that doesnt have to be her designated role in order for success.

        If you can pay the bills and function without her contribution and she makes you happy, go for it. If you need her help and she doesnt want to give it, you will eventually resent her and you need to save both of your times and leave.

  • Scruffy_Nerfherder@exploding-heads.com
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    1 year ago

    Are you a moron? Run. Burn all of your social media accounts and ghost her. Stop hooking up. It’s gross.

    If you ever plan to have a respectable wife and children you love. If you have the slightest desire to actually be a good father and not a sperm donor, start by respecting yourself and not caving in to ever animal lust that rises in your loins.

    Love your future wife and children now, quit sticking your dick in everything.

    STOP having sex with her because as soon as you try and break it off she will become ‘pregnant’ and it will of course be yours. She will have to move in then and will love bomb you till she does get pregnant.

    And then, just like that, she will hardly ever have sex with you, but you will have to pay for that baby. You will have to take care of her AND the baby.

    If you can’t control your lust, you’re not ready for a relationship. Get yourself under control, ditch her fast.

  • Lovstuhagen@exploding-heads.com
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    1 year ago

    Wild situation, my man, because of the fact that if she moves in and does not get a job, it could make a breakup very difficult.

    You have also made an interesting and chivalrous choice to say I love you when not meaning it to a girl… This is not obligated normally, and you can hold out on that, but once you have had intimate relations where you put yourself in someone, you are obligated to say I love you back on some instinctual level…

    My general advice to people is that they tend to not take relationships seriously enough and that they are too quick to shy away from commitment.

    I would say this…

    … “I am open to you moving in, definitely, but I want you to also get a job because you moving in means that we may be spending the rest of our lives together. I love you, grrrrrllllll, so we need to start building a real home for the future.”

    If yuo are saying right now “Oh shit, bro, I am not into that…”

    Then it’s likely a bad idea for her to move in… Because if you treat her as a woman you are not super serious about that you just bang every night after work and keep in your house like a toy… That’s also not good karma for you and it will make her feel like she has been used even though arguably she could be said to be using you to move out of her home.

    You know, it’s a VERY complicated situation and I feel like even if I got a few thousand words of text frm you it would be hard to give perfect advice…

    Just shooting from the hip here, broseph.