inb4 “if it’s legal it’s not a crime”
I’d go rob the people that made my entire 20’s and 30’s into indentured student loan servitude for exactly the dollar figure they stole from me plus the insane interest that they tacked onto it because they owned politicians who eliminated all avenues that I could’ve used to get out of that contract.
The figure they stole from me: $197,355.49
Quick question: How does it reach this figure?
It was the CitiAssist.
It had to be a private student loan because my parents made slightly over the max to qualify to public loans even though they refused to pay for school. That left me with loans with insane interest rates. Most of what I had to borrow was to cover $150k to pay rent in the college town I lived in while attending school.
Then, Joe Biden wrote the bankruptcy protection bill, making it impossible for students to disburse their student loans in bankruptcy two years after I graduated. They also refused to allow me to consolidate 8 loans which all had monthly payments that were each intentionally calculated as if it was the only loan I had to pay. Then my loans got bought and moved around and are now owned by Trellis. There’s a lot more to it as well. Housing and healthcare plays a HUGE part.
TLDR; hyper-commodification of basic human needs like education, housing, healthcare, and food coupled with legislation that sentences those that can’t pay their feudal lord up front to a lifetime of serfdom. (Not to mention my union wages barely keeping pace with inflation).
I had a loan like this one. Probably a plus loan. For a while the rates for plus loans eclipsed 8% and plus loans accrue interest while you are in school. So if you don’t know what you’re doing, you can take on 4 years of interest before you even start paying. Turns a $20k loan into a $30k loan before you even graduate. Plus loans recapitalize interest whenever they come out of deferral so you actually pay interest on the interest as well. So by the time you pay the loan off that is then $41k in total payments for what was originally a 20k loan
Do this 4 times for each year of undergrad and you’ll have 164000 in total loan payments over your lifetime.
Plus loans are a government backed scam to fuck over poor kids who can’t front the cash for what the federal aid program covers. My base grants were only ~40k over 4 years and my federal unsubsidized and subsidized loans only were ~24k over 4 years.
Meanwhile the prestigious university I was accepted to charged 24k per semester. So I had 64k of aid and low interest loans to pay a tuition of 192k. After my work study added an additional 20k/yr I was still short 48k and poof there the plus loans were to “help” me.
I know of an exploit on a horribly designed website for a national car park company that would allow me to write a script that would effectively give me and anyone else i know free parking for ever for all car parks administered by this company in the country (which is a lot of car parks).
So i’d do that
I love that you have a very specific and arguably moral crime in mind, and it inspired this post.
tbh, i was inspired by a post with the same title while lurking on reddit. i have a rule about not posting there though so i bought the conversation here
I’d go to the art museum and consume copious amounts of hallucinogens.
I did that at the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam
i got baked in vondelpark before going there
There’s no need due to how awesome it is already, but I totally get it and I bet it must have been absolutely amazeballs.
Great museum, I saw the “Potato Eaters” there.
Before I moved from DC I did that and wandered around the Mall and went to the Hirshhorn with two friends. Lovely day.
The law does not currently prevent me from doing anything I want to do.
IllegalLegal immigration.I didn’t even think of that. i could apply for US and EU passports
Why’d you go for a US passport considering their globally reaching tax laws?
So i pay an accountant to file a tax return once a year. Seems okay. It’s a powerful passport
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I mean, reported income at least. I know a few American immigrants that live and work in central and south america, and I know they don’t declare income… at least not 100% of it. But yeah, not doing that and getting caught would be major poopoo bad time.
Why do so many every single year go for us passports and us citizenship?
I would move to Scandinavia, maybe Denmark or Netherlands.
Crime means breaking the law, correct?
No location is named, so I will assume this refers the laws of physics and reality.
I would:
- expand time so that it lasts a near infinite duration, contained entirely within this day of no crime
- transmute a bunch of the rocks in my apartment into gold
- alter my DNA to include working wings like a bat, a prehensile tail like a monkey, gills like a salamander, enviromental adaptability like a chameleon that’s selective so I can hide these enhancements from others
- one more enhancement related to a very specific part of the anatomy of a horse or blue whale, or whatever it is people want these days
- remove all genetic defects of my body, like susceptability to cancer and addictions, grant it full immunity to diseases, put it into a perfect equilibrium with near instantaneous regeneration and longevity and thus allowing my life to last as long as I desire
- create a star from nothing and collapse it in a way that stores all of its energy into a pocket sized battery with perfect functionality and adaptability that is nearly indestructable
- hold hands with two chicks at the same time
It’s fun to dream of the impossible.
I keep my head down. No legal consequences isn’t the same thing as no consequences.
if I still had my last dog then walk her without a leash.
I’m a renter, so I’d throw a brick through each window of my property manager’s tesla.
Jaywalk then torrent a movie.
It’s crazy that you guys in the US can get a ticket for crossing the road
Freedommm!!
As a non-American, everybody jaywalked back in London. You just go with the crowd when there aren’t that many cars, so you don’t get hit by a car.
Rob Fort Knox.
Rip the toupee off trumps head and get a good picture.
you still gotta deal with security though remember
But security be off committing their own crimes…
Lol gotem
All that for $0 and a shitty toupee?
It said no murder. 🤷♀️
Man, I gotta brew something up in case a Crime Day comes up.
I’d like to do some proper money laundering but I’d need dirty money first. Idk, if skill wasn’t an issue, I’d hack the bank and erase my debt? No, make the bank owe ME.
Assuming we got some time beforehand to prep, blow up a pipeline or 7
Hopefully you mean ones still in construction… No need to cause an unprecedented environmental disaster after all.
Rob a bank.
You’re thinking small fries…
Rob Elon Musk.
If you think billionares have like money in a bank scrooge mcduck style, we’ll I have some sad news for you, they effectively are broke to a normal persons point of view (how much actual cash they have).
Instead they have their “wealth” as stock ownership of companies, get a loan from a bank for whatever they want to buy, and then just pay it back with the growing value of their stocks, that’s how they don’t pay taxes in the US and still get to buy whatever the fuck they want.
Basically, something like this. https://youtu.be/t6V9i8fFADI
Oh, I’m well aware. When I say “Rob Musk” I was thinking of forcing a stock transfer rather than going after his pocket change.
it might be legal but you still have to deal with security
Nuke the world.
That’s not murder; it’s a war crime.
