You can use this railcard on trains between two hours (we’ll tell you which on the day) but only during periods where phases of the moon are alphabetically perpendicular to the number of days remaining in the month and when the temperature at sea level near a place you’ve never been to is equivalent to the sum of three primes.

This is from Northern. The last time I travelled on their trains a group of kids were racially abusing passengers and throwing coins at people as well as setting off fire extinguishers in the carriage. The ticket collector guard ran and hid with the driver and left it for us to deal with.