There’s a new Polymarket bet for how long Bryan Johnson’s penis stays erect during nighttime. The antics of a man who injected his teenage son’s blood into his veins and underwent “penis rejuvenation therapy” has been a persistent topic on the prediction market—or more precisely, his penis has.
“This market will resolve to ‘Yes’ if Bryan Johnson sustains a nighttime erection for 2 hours and 12 minutes or more based upon the highest of three readings taken during the last week of December 2024,” the market’s official description reads.
Currently, there’s a bit over $22,000 at stake. We’ll know who wins by January 15, 2025, 12:00 PM ET.
Johnson, the 45-year-old tech millionaire who spent over $4 million testing anti-aging treatments on himself, is all in on the stunt, and announced that Polymarket had opened betting on his nighttime tumescence.
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This unusual betting market follows Johnson’s previous weenie-related wagering history. Earlier this year, bettors who backed his ability to achieve specific sperm count targets above 20 million per ejaculation walked away with 50-50 result against skeptics after a disputed bet.
The stakes are higher this time, and Johnson warned bettors that his current travel schedule could impact the rigidity of his schmeckel.
“I return from China on the 16th of [December] and measurement will take place during the final week of the month,” he noted, explaining that international travel disrupts his body’s rhythms. “It’s TBD how long it takes my body to adjust normal NTE.”
Yeah, that’s how he abbreviates “nighttime erections.”
“NTE is a significant biological age marker representing sexual, cardiovascular, and psychological health,” Johnson posted, citing research showing deficient nocturnal erections correlate with a higher risk of premature death.
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At the risk of telling you more about the man’s putz than anyone would really want to know, consider that Johnson’s best recorded performance to date reached 2 hours and 59 minutes—a feat he claims matches an average 18-year-old.
That said, he had help via a combination of focused shockwave therapy and Botox treatments—which, to be fair, sounds like cheating. However, the aptly named Johnson notes these effects fade over time, adding another variable for potential bettors to consider.
There is such a thing as too much horn talk and a fella ought to be fucking aware of it.
…what??
Happy cake day!
yet another sign that the simulation is falling apart
why? this wasteful selfishness is perfectly in line with late stage capitalism. everything tracks.
I was aware of him but this is an order of magnitude weirder than I’d heard of and it took me a while to even figure out the headline.
Okay, but hear me out. What if we can turn thousands’ of people’s gambling addictions into some of those weird click-bait news-ish stories you see at the bottom of overly-monetized websites?
Sleeping shouldn’t be that hard.
This may also be fodder for !nominativedeterminism@feddit.uk.