Oh good. So it wasn’t just me then. Ok, whew.

I haven’t seen any of the deadpool movies. I haven’t seen any of the x-men movies. I know the x-men from the 1994 animated show. So I have a rough history of wolferine. I know of deadpool from pop culture references. Had no idea his face looks like a ballsack. Is that what the movie studio was aiming for? Because that’s what it looked like.

Anyways, I’m in the theater, and watching this movie, and it felt very very self referential. Insultingly so. I went in, knowing full well that these movies are all interconnected. I was aware I may miss a few callbacks or whatever. Maybe a key point of the movie would be over my head.

But I thought for the most part, like 90% of the movie would be self contained. That’s what movies are. You pay to watch 2 hours. It’s not like a tv show, where you’re back every week. These things are supposed to stand out on their own.

Then I get into the theater, and the movie is all like “Ha ha ha, remember that time a different movie we did a thing? Remember that?” and I’m like “Ah, ya got me! That’s probably a pretty cool moment to people who saw what you’re talking about.”

And then that was the whole movie. Them making callbacks or references to everything that’s ever happened on film ever. This wasn’t a movie. This was like when a tv show has a clip show which just shows recaps of previous episodes. There was even stuff I didn’t KNOW was callbacks. Like gambit shows up in the movie for a cup of coffee…somehow wolferine doesn’t know him. Whatever. Whatever…I’m moving past it. They’re both X-Men…fuck it. I’m moving on. They don’t know each other…and apparently the casting was a big deal? I later heard that they were at one time rumored to cast this guy as gambit in a different movie, but then a few months later didn’t. Sooooo, that moment is purely done to satisfy the subsection of the audience that still cares about a casting choice, which was only discussed for a few months 10 years prior. Wow. That is quite the niche callback.

So I was under the impression that OTHER people got a lot out of this film. The people who got every reference, and remembered the callbacks. It was like a movie paying homage to the dedicated fans. Which for a comic book movie makes more sense than it should…but I still feel every movie, even sequels, should be self contained experiences.

Then I find out there’s like 7 X-Men movies, and in NONE of them, has Wolferine EVER worn his classic yellow outfit. And he dies! What the fuck??? That’s like when I found out Buzz Lightyear dies. I only ever saw Toy Story 1 as a kid, and never even knew there were sequels until about 2020. But hearing that Buzz lightyear dies is so confusing to me. It’s a kids movie! He’s a little happy space man toy! This isn’t saving private ryan!

If I were to have made Wolferine and Deadpool in a co-starring movie, it wouldn’t be Wolferine AND Deadpool. It would be Wolferine VS Deadpool.

The whole thing would be Wolferine is the badass gone rogue doing the right thing. He’s gone back to canada to reconnect with family or something. And Deadpool…I have less knowledge of this character and his motivations, but he’s trying to save the world or something. And somehow his actions get misread by Wolferine, who now wants to fight him.

So half the movie, you’re following Wolferine around trying to save his family. And half the movie Deadpool is trying to save the world from something. But every once in a while they fight. Except they both have regenerative healing powers. So they’re both like “Ow, that hurt…ok, go again?”

And eventually it’s revealed that Deadpool wasn’t lying. Some villain or whatever comes out and is like “I’ll blow up the world!” and now instead of fighting each other, Deadpool and Wolferine are fighting on the same side…except Wolferine still doesn’t like Deadpool. So he still takes a few swipes at him between shots at the villain. AND THE WHOLE FUCKING THING WOULD BE IN THE YELLOW SUIT!!! And we’d get cameos at the end from the whole X-Men team to fight the villain. Also, throw in those giant robots from the animated show. Those would look badass in a movie.

But I thought everyone liked that movie, and I was the odd one out. I usually walk out of movies, not quite yet sure what I think. I always have to let the film digest. With that one, I walked out like “THAT SUCKED!!!”