I’m marking this as NSFW because I’m not super sure if this counts as discussing dysphoria. I don’t exactly know a lot about this if I’m being entirely honest. Feel free to tell me if this would have been fine or not :)
I’ve always considered myself a cis dude. I feel relatively comfortable as a dude I think. But there’s a lot of stuff that has me wondering things. For example, like a year ago I told one of my friends “Being a man is cool and all, but if I was given the reins at character creation, I would have chosen to be a woman.” That friend told me that was not very cis of me to say, and I kinda just wrote it off, but I still hold to that take as the way I feel. When I am falling asleep and I’m sort of day dreaming, I choose to daydream about the adventures of a female character I’ve invented. When I play video games, I almost always choose the female option if it’s given, because I found it’s easier for me to get into the story that way.
However, I feel totally fine being a guy. So like I don’t know if I’m gaslighting myself here, one way or the other. It’s kinda a thing where there’s a possibility I might be trans, but if I were to actually do it, I can’t tell if my life would get better or worse. I don’t think I would feel safe being trans in my area of the world, for example. So it’s like sure I might have chosen the female build in the game of life, but that’s not what RNG gave me, and maybe I’m okay with that?
Being trans is about the joy you find in being yourself; you don’t have to dislike being your agab to be trans. If you want to explore this, you could try some small things where it’s safe to. You could try on some fem clothes that one of your characters would wear; for a lot of trans folks video games are an avenue for gender expression before they realize that they are trans. Online, you could try out different pronouns, maybe a different name or two. @citrussy_capybara@hexbear.net already linked the Gender Dysphoria Bible- I read it when I was first beginning to accept that I really am trans and thinking about doing something about it (even if you do recognize that you are trans, you don’t have to change anything). I had so many “Oh, fuck” moments reading it.
Do what makes you happy. We’ll support you in this whether you are trans or not