BREAKING: Jeremy Hunt has been caught in a secret recording during a private meeting with Tory activists suggesting that Sunak will call a general election once inflation has fallen below three per cent - giving the strongest hint yet that a poll will be held next autumn.
Quick, how do we get inflation down below 3%?
Eat less?
Winter’s coming up, so there’s always the option of not using our heating again. Clearly it is our patriotic duty to freeze and/or starve, doing our part to save the country from its own government.
I’ll dust off my longjohns.
As long as you don’t buy new longjohns. That will just make inflation worse.
And I need to worry about inflating my longjohns, so no lentils.
Just skip food altogether. You’ll help cut inflation, and you’ll lose so much weight that you’ll have room inside your longjohns for pillows and cushions, which will be extra padding to keep you warm. Win-win.
Winner winner, no chicken dinner.
I haven’t felt this patriotic in decades.
And stop heating your home… ;)