Final Fantasy XI
Final Fantasy XI is the eleventh numbered installment in the… Okay, you know what it is, I’m just going to tell you about one of the storylines!
During the Wings of the Goddess expansion, adventurers will be sent back in time to experience the events of the Crystal War, a cataclysmic event that is the foundation for conflicts of the modern-day timeline. Should an adventurer choose to serve the Kingdom of San d’Oria, they will be immersed in the story of the Young Griffons—a group of children who would see themselves knights, many of whom grow into prominent characters later in life.
Among the Young Griffons, the player will find Bistillot, a shy boy who doesn’t like to be seen. With his penchant for engineering, shy demeanor, and lack of combat potential, Bistillot prefers to spend his time inside of an orcish war machine that he was able to repair to working condition.
He is often seen before he is heard, with his signature phrase, “HAAAALLOOOOOOOOO” being used to hail the adventurer. Through the course of the story, Bistillot finds his way, even contributing to the war effort with his engineering skills.
However, when another member of the Young Griffons is kidnapped and taken to the present day, the adventurer must return to the present day and reunite with the Young Griffons’ present selves! The adventurer’s first contact in the present day is Bistillot. When the adventurer hears the signature “HAAAALLOOOOOOO,” Bistillot approaches the player, but what the player sees is… a woman?? She introduces herself as Bostilette, a “friend of Bistillot.”
After the rescue mission, Bostilette comes clean. She is, of course, the very same Bistillot who was a little boy twenty years earlier. She explains that she was very sick as a baby, so her parents gave her a boy’s name so that she would be stronger and survive the illness. Once she overcame the illness, she was comfortable to reclaim her name and gender. Well, that closes the book on that story, except… I’ve decided that’s bullshit!
I have unilaterally decided that Bostilette is trans, the sickness she had was dysphoria, she stayed in the orcish war machine because she was an egg, and I hope you all agree!
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Dysphoria, TV static go brrrrrrrrrr
lot of tv static in my brain. idk how I want to present anymore. i could imagine how i want to see myself sort of but it’s staticy now. fighting my desire to not take up space, hard
i don't know how any of this works
by what means is progress measured if nobody witnesses the journey? how do i understand how i want to be without observing and mirroring? is my concept of gender supposed to not reference other people?
idk what i can do to just not be seen as a guy, because as long as people treat me like a guy, i will be wrestling against the world to be seen. i will always have to override the instinct to respond like a man and it will always take me twice as long to speak up.
spoiler
That’s interesting, our dissociations are much different but still similar.
You don’t necessarily need to measure progress? Such comparison is pure memory and memories are far from solid, even from the perspective of others. I don’t have much to offer though.
I wish I could help, but all i can do is be “here,” across the void.